Wednesday, August 5, 2009
So Sorry, Cullman Center...
... that you will lose all significant funding after the world knows that you let me in for a week- long creative writing fellowship! I know, and in an economic crisis and when the whole wide world turns their rheumy, beady eyes away from books and toward the unraveling of Jon and Kate.
Ok, boorish churls, try to follow: The New York Public Library houses many books. I know you're thinking, "Oh wow, the Liberry, I've heard of that place. Isn't that where Big stood up Carrie on her wedding day?" Indeed it is, blockhead, but the NYPL also supports the pursuits of writers at the Cullman Center through the generous donations of the opulent. Past fellows include Philip Lopate, A.M. Homes, Jennifer Egan, and most prominently Edmund White, from whom I learned many things about writing and being hilarious and fabulous. During this most magical week I worked on a forthcoming polemic on the polyandryous subtext in the lyrics of the Peter, Paul, and Mary songbook. So many exciting things came to pass, here are some highlights:
Did you know that there are seven miles of books stored beneath Byrant Park? Here I am in the bowels of the stacks. Don't worry, no indigestion!
A lion! Vewwy scewwy!
AND did you know that the books are transported within the library through an intricate system of conveyor belts and dumbwaiters (a weird word)? Betcha didn't.
They screwed up the name on my office door. Elizabeth Greenwood? Who the heck is that?! This is the esteemed office of Paloma Zenaida, thankyouverymuch!
Here I am with my redheaded research assistant. She was quite adroit in the areas of coffee retrieval and foot massage.
AND I enjoyed a private audience with my celeb crush!
Yes, I just cited myself.)
We're the Brad and Angelina of the NYPL and literary things.
Thanks again, library, and again, sorry about the retrieval of funding. Totally my bad. Just wait until Peter, Paul, and Polyandry tops the bestsellers list...