Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I'm a Celebrity! Get Me Out of Here!



So I went on a major vision quest in Costa Rica, searching for my life's purpose and challenging my mind, body, and soul in the elements. Then I went to Panama and was drunk for eight days. Then I was like, "I'm a celebrity! Get me outta here!" Some vacation highlights:

1. When Animals Attack: This monkey assaulted a woman holding an apple just seconds after I took his portrait [Ed. note: That event actually took place]. It was one of the single best moments of my life.

2. My traveling companion, Old Man Mullin, turned 43. Luckily for him, I'm dyslexic.
3. I shared tender moments with my lesbian lover.

4. I saw a man sexually objectified by a sea of drunken whores. He did not appear to enjoy it.
5. I wrote and recited original poetry in the town square for donations. I planned on splurging on the Presidential Suite with my earnings. I subsequently spent the night in Panamanian prison instead.

6. After exchanging my passport to post bail, I crossed borders as an illegal immigrant. Here I am with my coyote. "Very good price for you, rubia," he promised. La migra took our picture, then promptly arrested both of us.
7. I don't recall this photo being taken.8. I broke all the rules on this sign, save for playing dominoes. I was not fined, however. 9. Here's the morgue but I only visited, and didn't check in, fortunately. The morgue is conveniently adjacent to the cemetery. This is the one and only overture to efficiency by Panamanians I witnessed.

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