Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Upon the Ocassion of My 42nd Birthday


I celebrated my 42nd birthday last week (that's right, I work out) and received many exceptional gifts, so remarkable in fact that YOU (mom) must see them.

1. A Friendship Collage
In the throwback of junior high, with scissors and glue, my best girlfriend Pup composed an homage on his bedroom floor to our enduring non- sexual love affair starring Barbie and Ken and Marc Jacobs and Rachel Zoe ("That's us when we're old!"). The Golden Gate bridge is a tribute to the town where I found Pup cage dancing at the Bar on Castro, slathered in whipped cream and lube, and saved him from a life of purse snatching and NAMBLA conventions. The Brooklyn Bridge means that he doesn't know or love me well enough to know that I do not take the Brooklyn Bridge to get home.

Another most amazing gift I received was given by my friend Eric, and it arrived on my doorstep in an ominous box almost identical to the one Brad Pitt receives at the end of Seven containing a human head. Instead, I was delighted to find this Rembrandt self- portrait immortalized in the medium of Etch- a- Sketch. Eric has a haircut like Frederick Douglass, the vocabulary of Merriam Webster, the rhetorical skills of Patrick Henry, and the manners of Slavoj Zizek crossed with an angry lynx. In junior high school, our peers elected us to share the yearbook superlative of "Most Individualistic," which is the prize awarded to the most bellicose assholes. (If anyone is in possession of the Forest Grove Middle School Yearbook Class of '97, please contact me.) I admire Eric very much, and will now quote him at length:

"Enclosed is a paraphrase of one of Rembrandt's self- portraits from 1659 (a capital year so far as his self- portraits are concerned). I hope you like it as much as I do: this is the first Etch- A- Sketch ever fixed and as you'll see, everything that could go wrong during the process of fixing short of effacement or spontaneous combustion went wrong. The mishap with superglue to fix the dials and the ensuing mishap with the plastic- warping 'super glue remover' notwithstanding the picture still reads well, up close and at a distance." I agree!

And my colleagues got me a Snuggie. They are trying to get me in trouble at the office for wearing it at my desk, a la Liz Lemon. And my BFFFFF (my best friend foreverforeverforeverforever I love her so much!!) Pecas gave me a card that sings Celine Dion because we love Celine Dion, especially the song "All By Myself." I think 42 will be my year! Fine in '09!


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