Sunday, May 10, 2009

Fort Greene: A Magical Land

Nestled in the bosom of Brooklyn, far far away from the riffraff and hustle bustle of Atlantic Avenue, lies a wondrous village of delightful delis and handsome interracial couples. This past Saturday was a magical day, where I had the distinct pleasure of taking a circuitous meandering through the brownstones and many wonders that this village contains.

The day commenced with a heightened level of experience, as I discovered a new key to unlocking the doors of perception. After depriving myself of all carbohydrates for seven straight days in an act of self- mutilation, I woke up on Saturday morning with a most remarkable hangover, cured only by Challah bread French Toast. I sat in a diner booth on Fourth Avenue with only my shame as company and consumed three thick slices in under sixty seconds. I was so full that I reached a new state of consciousness. I was actually hallucinating.

And so began my journey to this neighborhood that is but a ten minute walk from my residence yet worlds and worlds away. My first encounter was with a troupe of Vaudeville Players pictured here. The dark haired lady at right is the Hoochie Coochie girl, and the other three performed a rousing rendition of "Hooligan's Troubles." Then the fair- haired bicycle beauty performed the astonishing feat of riding through a double loop- the- loop apparatus, while keeping the contents of her basket intact! Amazing! Then the whole gang danced the Shimmy- Sha- Wobble and I just knew it was going to be a great day.

The family who lives in the blue house came outside and tried to adopt me. But I had to politely decline. "Sorry guys, I already belong to a healthy, functional family that nurtures the individual while simultaneously cultivating a loving collective unit."

The townspeople heard of my visit, so they just threw together a haphazard block party in my honor.

Even my legs are less white in Fort Greene.

Here are some trinkets the humble peasants tried to bestow upon me, but I would not be so bold as to accept, because....

... they presented me with the crown jewel! A unicorn and a vulture sharing the same page! Somehow, they managed to distill my essence and hand- illustrate a bizarre children's alphabet book and age it so as to look antique. Those villagers sure know how to treat a girl. On any day, I am either unicorn or vulture or both, but on that special day I was unicorn through and through. Thanks Fort Greene! I'll never forget you.

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