Saturday, August 30, 2008


Pedicab drivers, you are a scar upon the face of our fair city and a yet another perverted thorn in my side! With your nimble limbs, chiseled calf muscles and distinctly Eastern European post- Soviet eagerness about you, you are the reason John McCain will win come November. You hate America, and you certainly hate/ would love to make love to American women. You are flirting terrorists, or flirtirists. Close the borders of Central Park to these lascivious, leering perverts on wheels. No more, "ey baybee, you want free ride in my cab?!" No, sir, I do not! I would like you to stop contaminating my Sunday picnic 'n' paper with your lewd gestures and knowing grins. Though I do appreciate the peace sign pictured below, please take your smarmy slick psuedo- Western pomposity back to the streets of Prague or Istanbul where your pleather fancy sneakers and ill- fitting faux Abercrombie might be appreciated by someone else. I would rather walk through a construction site in midtown in midday in hotpants and a tubetop than endure these Eastern bloc operatives/ weirdos who have peddled their way into a new Cold War, where heavily- accented hollering on a glorified tricycle is the weapon of choice. There is no détente in sight.

Far left:
Pervert with unusual facial hair.

Left: Seemingly innocuous peaceful person; scoundrel.

Below: America's Most Wanted Perverts

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