Saturday, July 12, 2008

White People Ruin Everything

I currently live in a picturesque village under the Brooklyn- Queens Expressway calledWilliamsburg! Chockfull of Sopranos extras, shoeless toddlers who will occasionally shout curse words I’ve never even heard of before, and self- important nineteen year olds who dress in costumes reminiscent of Jeri Blank, Williamsburg is a modern day tragicomedy.

In the case of the latter, let us take the cultural significance of late ‘90s- present day hipster Williamsburg with a grain of salt. I’ve noticed that people who move to Brooklyn (as transplants from other places, like myself, all locals are duly forgiven) consider this distinction as a badge of honor. Like they are Mos Def in Dave Chappelle’s Block Party or something. “Where do you live?” “Brooklyn.” An air of superiority and smugness permeates the conversation, doesn’t it? While I certainly loooove living here, and anytime that “Where Brooklyn At?!” anthem comes on in any bar, I will spin around and scream a white girl “wwwwooooo,” my arms flailing arythmically, I’m not entirely convinced anyone lives here by authentic preference. I think that if given the viable choice of living in a decent neighborhood in Manhattan (NOT the Upper East Side, where I resided prior), then the answer would be a no- brainer. I would take the first boat outta this Mexico City landfill given this option/ financial solvency. So perhaps this resolute, steadfast, “claiming- on” of Brooklyn is but a thin veil for resignation and failure. Ha! I want to scream that from the rooftops to the hordes of skeletal dipness née hipness at Union Pool on a Saturday night!

Interesting, exciting anecdote: My friend Anna “downtown socialite” Del Gaizo and I were at Union Pool a couple months ago with our horrible male counterparts and out of boredom and misdirected anxiety Anna started throwing broken glass from a votive candle into the crowd absentmindedly. She is destructive by nature, but she was, like, chucking glass at innocent bystanders. I was none the wiser at the time, because I was working out some yoga asana under the table. A bouncer came over and tried to kick us out, but after Elijah made a compelling argument for letting us stay, (“She was just drunk!”), the man changed his mind in an unprecedented moment of grace and let us stay! But then she just started assigning the onus of glass throwing at to other members of our party, which resulted in less diplomatic negotiations.

So of course Williamsburg is just another mutation of the NYC outer borough/ crap neighborhood transforming at the hands of better- heeled white people. And I, or course, am no exception: I am one of the handful of white people ruining a perfectly vibrant, diverse neighborhood just east of the Lorimer L.

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